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Who are some of your biggest influences?
My biggest influences are mostly my contemporaries- musicians I play shows with, book shows for, see on a regular basis, etc. Bands like Hop Along, Mitski, Crying, Eskimeaux, The Island Of Misfit Toys, Told Slant, Brightside, One Hundred Year Ocean, Jordaan Mason, Run Forever, and lots more have had a huuuge impact on the way I write, perform, and navigate music/art. I've been so lucky to be surrounded by so many incredible artists.
What's the greatest moment you've experienced while touring? What's the greatest place you've played?
The best moment I've experienced on tour is probably any time someone comes up to me and tell me that they related to my music and that my set really affected them. Sometimes people cry while I play. It's weird that it happens, but it does mean a lot to me. A big part of why I do what I do is so that people going through similar things know that they're not alone and that they have support. It's always incredible to know that I'm doing something right. I know that's not a single moment but any time it happens, I can't really stress how good it is. It's also hard to pinpoint the greatest place I've played because everywhere I go has its ups and downs. Some shows are better than others, yes, but I can't really rank them. I could list great cities I've been to but it wouldn't be fair. I get something out of every show I play, even the really really terrible ones, and for me it's more about the overall experience of being able to tour and play music than any one particular show or town.
What made you get off your bed one day and into a touring van? Do you have any particularly life-changing touring experiences?
Existing as a trans musician has provided me with a mix of blessings and curses. Mostly curses, probably. I guess the worst is the sinking feeling in your heart when you've just spent your entire set singing about your experience as a trans woman, and then someone comes up to you afterwards and says "good set man" and calls you "he" and everything. It often feels like people haven't paid attention to a word you said. But often, they DID hear you, but they still don't bother trying to respect your (cont-)
My biggest influences are mostly my contemporaries- musicians I play shows with, book shows for, see on a regular basis, etc. Bands like Hop Along, Mitski, Crying, Eskimeaux, The Island Of Misfit Toys, Told Slant, Brightside, One Hundred Year Ocean, Jordaan Mason, Run Forever, and lots more have had a huuuge impact on the way I write, perform, and navigate music/art. I've been so lucky to be surrounded by so many incredible artists.
What's the greatest moment you've experienced while touring? What's the greatest place you've played?
The best moment I've experienced on tour is probably any time someone comes up to me and tell me that they related to my music and that my set really affected them. Sometimes people cry while I play. It's weird that it happens, but it does mean a lot to me. A big part of why I do what I do is so that people going through similar things know that they're not alone and that they have support. It's always incredible to know that I'm doing something right. I know that's not a single moment but any time it happens, I can't really stress how good it is. It's also hard to pinpoint the greatest place I've played because everywhere I go has its ups and downs. Some shows are better than others, yes, but I can't really rank them. I could list great cities I've been to but it wouldn't be fair. I get something out of every show I play, even the really really terrible ones, and for me it's more about the overall experience of being able to tour and play music than any one particular show or town.
What made you get off your bed one day and into a touring van? Do you have any particularly life-changing touring experiences?
Existing as a trans musician has provided me with a mix of blessings and curses. Mostly curses, probably. I guess the worst is the sinking feeling in your heart when you've just spent your entire set singing about your experience as a trans woman, and then someone comes up to you afterwards and says "good set man" and calls you "he" and everything. It often feels like people haven't paid attention to a word you said. But often, they DID hear you, but they still don't bother trying to respect your (cont-)
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There's not really much you can do on tour between shows. You spend countless hours in a car, trying to pass the time, getting more in touch with the things that bother you about youself: your inability to fall asleep when desired, your dependance on shit food because money, the fact that gas is $3 a gallon and there's nothing you can do about it, etc. But people like Dakota Fahney don't let this bother them. She will gladly put on her best beanie and sail away on a dirty van with nothing but her guitar and a facebook account in order to get her voice heard. And you know what? She loves it.
Dakota's alter-ego Unraveler has been doing fairly well lately. She just finished a nationwide tour and is on the process of releasing a split ''7 with her longtime hero, David Bello from The World Is a Beautiful Place and I am No Longer Afraid To Die.
I spoke with Dakota about touring, her being a transgirl travelling through different cities, and her life in general.
Dakota's alter-ego Unraveler has been doing fairly well lately. She just finished a nationwide tour and is on the process of releasing a split ''7 with her longtime hero, David Bello from The World Is a Beautiful Place and I am No Longer Afraid To Die.
I spoke with Dakota about touring, her being a transgirl travelling through different cities, and her life in general.
As a transgender musician, how was your experience visiting New Orleans and the south in general? The south isn't really known for being a haven for acceptance and reason.
I think the attitudes in the south are definitely not quite as progressive toward trans or gay rights, but I did meet quite a few great people there. I actually loved my time in New Orleans. I have a few friends down there and all the new people I met seemed really nice. There's a good niche of progressive people in the DIY scene there.
There's a very clear correlation between mental illness and transgender individuals. Modern psychology attempts to address the fact that this isn't because there's anything wrong with trans people, but rather a byproduct of them being stigmatized for so long. Similar patterns are present among gay and bisexual people as well. As a transgender musician, do you feel Unraveler serves as a bridge for you to communicate certain feelings of alienation?
Unraveler is my main vehicle for expressing feelings of alienation, dissociation, unease, and dysphoria. I've communicated this sort of thing through some of my writing and other musical projects, but Unraveler for the most part has been the easiest way for me to get it out there in a simple, effective way. It's where I can be the most honest, I feel-- honest with myself and people listening
I think the attitudes in the south are definitely not quite as progressive toward trans or gay rights, but I did meet quite a few great people there. I actually loved my time in New Orleans. I have a few friends down there and all the new people I met seemed really nice. There's a good niche of progressive people in the DIY scene there.
There's a very clear correlation between mental illness and transgender individuals. Modern psychology attempts to address the fact that this isn't because there's anything wrong with trans people, but rather a byproduct of them being stigmatized for so long. Similar patterns are present among gay and bisexual people as well. As a transgender musician, do you feel Unraveler serves as a bridge for you to communicate certain feelings of alienation?
Unraveler is my main vehicle for expressing feelings of alienation, dissociation, unease, and dysphoria. I've communicated this sort of thing through some of my writing and other musical projects, but Unraveler for the most part has been the easiest way for me to get it out there in a simple, effective way. It's where I can be the most honest, I feel-- honest with myself and people listening
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UNRAVELER: MESSY VANS AND HIGH AMBITIONS
From left to right: Dan Brown aka Oklahoma Car Crash and Dakota Fahney in Pittsburgh. Photo by Dakota Fahney.
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"I believe that education and finding your spirit quest are the keys to survival for transgender people of color."
Toni D. Newman
Photo by Gabrielle Steib
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Who It Is: Pile – You’re Better Than This; Exploding In Sound (2015)
But much like fellow Exploding in Sounders Big Ups, Pile has the capability of turning this sort of matchmaking succession into a statement of utter consistency and, ultimately, perfectly-timed individuality. While songs like “Mr. Fish” and “Hot Breath” would make good additions to Dripping’s tracklist, they set the tone for a place Pile never really thought of encountering any time soon. Change and time are the most prominent themes on You’re Better, and just like My Bloody Valentine’s mbv carried on a legacy of experimentation and preceded reputations, Pile has resurrected a desire to pick up where they left while welcoming – rather hesitantly – whatever is there to offer for aging rock and rollers.
Review:
There’s something about the modern state of post-hardcore that seems less frantic and more predictable; much like the rise and fall of 90’s emo c. 2008 – 2015, the genre has become an exhausting mess among college towns and middle-class suburbs. It has been relegated from a relatively low-key expression of apathy and realistic desire before and in between the grunge prime to your friends’ band, reluctantly put on the bill because the venue needed another local and the good ones where out of town. It doesn’t inherently suck, but it takes a lot to stand out these days.
There’s something about the modern state of post-hardcore that seems less frantic and more predictable; much like the rise and fall of 90’s emo c. 2008 – 2015, the genre has become an exhausting mess among college towns and middle-class suburbs. It has been relegated from a relatively low-key expression of apathy and realistic desire before and in between the grunge prime to your friends’ band, reluctantly put on the bill because the venue needed another local and the good ones where out of town. It doesn’t inherently suck, but it takes a lot to stand out these days.
What It Sounds Like: Unwound, Chavez, Polvo, Survival Knife, Jawbox, Porches feat. Big Muff.
2012’s Dripping channeled the efforts of outfits such as Unwound and Polvo albeit being emotionally closer to a good Joan of Arc song than anything else. That being said, it is important to notice that this year’s You’re Better Than This remains a carbon copy mirroring the purposes of their 3 year-old predecessor.
So when a band like Pile rises from the depths of the filthiest mine ever seen, it is elemental to understand that, yes, you’ve found a diamond, but it isn’t far shinier than the one found before; over their decade-long career, Pile has achieved such a loyal following among the ever-changing state of the DIY scene by delivering abrasive qualities within their own accessibility.
To rate Pile’s evolution over these last three years is to sinfully ignore the kind of band they are in the first place. There’s nothing like it, and they merely deserve the universal understanding that they have cleverly crafted a genuinely incredible record without needing to rewrite music history. That’s the most gorgeously intense characteristic that makes Pile stand out among a sea of DIY contemporaries; You’re Better Than This isn’t going to start a trend and the Pile definitely doesn’t want to do Graceland or Kid A, but it will definitely change the way the listener feels about everything and nothing at all. The record is just that good.
You Should Probably Listen To: All of them and please don’t skip oh Lord.
Rating: 8/10
R.G Magellan
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As the title suggests, the decline of our civilization is imminent, but it goes beyond war, famine, racism, homophobia, sexism or any other Orwellian nightmare; to put yourself in Jordaan Mason’s shoes is to put yourself in the situation of every contemplation of suicide culminating in shame and self-hatred. Within the ridiculous amount of stimulation society offers nowadays, there’s a generation of kids dealing with a lack of stimuli and writing poetry on the back of their textbooks. Mason just so happens to express this collective emotion immensely well. That’s why this album merits itself in its brilliance: The decline of western civilization isn’t a societal one. It is the personal death of one’s desires starting from the libido and culminating with the necessity to be numbed by drugs, alcohol, sex, Facebook, parents, cigarettes, Twitter, memes, basement shows, and everything around us. Jordaan Mason’s personal civilization – whatever they thought they wanted, needed or feared and the things around them – is already fucking gone.
You Should Probably Listen To: Every song.
Rating: 9/10
R.G Magellan
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Who It Is: Jordaan Mason – The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization; Self-Released (2015)
Review:
Jordaan Mason copes with anything life throws at them with a sense of non-descriptive irony and a bit of pragmatism. And it’s more than expected. The Toronto troubadour reached the depths of music forums and pompous Neutral Milk Hotel comparisons with the excellence behind Divorce Lawyers I Shaved My Head. Mason’s odd lyrical content – a close derivative of the “Communist Daughter”/”Tambourine-N-Thyme” hybrid – deals with everything and nothing at all: sexual frustration, bad relationships, mental illness, divorces, staying, swimming pools, animals, drugs, and unrequited love are among Mason’s favorite subjects. But whether we can make sense out of the word salad that bridges between Divorce Lawyers and The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization, one thing is absolute: Jordaan Mason is an incredibly talented songwriter who cleverly utilizes the simplicity of a cheap microphone to create a poignant, desperate atmosphere clouded by immortalized fear and a haunting vocal delivery.
Jordaan Mason copes with anything life throws at them with a sense of non-descriptive irony and a bit of pragmatism. And it’s more than expected. The Toronto troubadour reached the depths of music forums and pompous Neutral Milk Hotel comparisons with the excellence behind Divorce Lawyers I Shaved My Head. Mason’s odd lyrical content – a close derivative of the “Communist Daughter”/”Tambourine-N-Thyme” hybrid – deals with everything and nothing at all: sexual frustration, bad relationships, mental illness, divorces, staying, swimming pools, animals, drugs, and unrequited love are among Mason’s favorite subjects. But whether we can make sense out of the word salad that bridges between Divorce Lawyers and The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization, one thing is absolute: Jordaan Mason is an incredibly talented songwriter who cleverly utilizes the simplicity of a cheap microphone to create a poignant, desperate atmosphere clouded by immortalized fear and a haunting vocal delivery.
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What It Sounds Like: Neutral Milk Hotel, Andrew Jackson Jihad, These Trails, Sun Kil Moon, Red House Painters, Valium Aggelein
And it should be noted that this record’s purpose, if any, is pretty similar to whatever Divorce Lawyers manifested; Mason likes to test your patience; the opener, optically named after the title of the record, boasts 12 minutes of isolated vocals before drums set in halfway through the song. There’s little to understand here other than Mason setting the same tone of self-analytical despair present in Divorce Lawyers, but to an end that extends to raw review of one’s sexuality; Mason rarely speaks explicitly about sex, but their lyrics are filled with metaphorical representations of sexual organs and, occasionally, desires.
The amount of crudity and build-ups are enough to make it seem over-the-top within the context of mental illness. Mason doesn’t want to have every song escalate into cacophony before anything starts to makes sense. Mason needs to find a comfort zone before spouting whatever reaction to melancholia is running through their head. With this in mind, tracks such as“Euology” and “Liturgy Part II” become even more honest; Mason sees their depression and gender identity in a poignantly unique way and, after comprehending the kind of places Mason has been dragged to, it becomes a little easier to get past the metaphors and into what Mason is trying to convey: the woes and everyday struggles of a young, confused, gay Canadian 20-something coping with a plethora of issues and trying to make ends meet by selling their music on the internet.
And that’s the loveliest element of The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization. It has the ability to consolidate a generation of emotionally alienated young people who identify with the abrasive mood of this record. Whether they are past the coming of age threshold or not doesn’t really matter. Songs like “Pharmacy” make it essential for anyone who has been through the emotional hassle of SSRI’s and Benzodiazepines to communicate with on a very concrete level. Mason strives on the pleasure of continuous instrumentation albeit being as honest as possible. The record offers an everlasting level of physical and psychological strangulation that just adds to its ingenuity. It’s the feeling you get from being uncomfortably inebriated on a hot day. You want to get out, but if you can’t, might as well do something about it.
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You came out as a transgirl not long ago. Do you think the public perception of your persona has changed? Have you had trouble being taken seriously as a transgender business owner ever since your broke the news to the public?
Not really, everyone’s been very accepting and positive. I personally have not, but that’s mostly because Funeral Sounds is concerned with a very niche group that aligns very much with our moral code, so I didn’t foresee any sort of backlash from the public, because the public, the only people that would care enough, were people I knew would support me anyway. That’s why I came out. I wouldn’t have if I thought a lot of my friends would not have been supportive.
Not really, everyone’s been very accepting and positive. I personally have not, but that’s mostly because Funeral Sounds is concerned with a very niche group that aligns very much with our moral code, so I didn’t foresee any sort of backlash from the public, because the public, the only people that would care enough, were people I knew would support me anyway. That’s why I came out. I wouldn’t have if I thought a lot of my friends would not have been supportive.
What are some other small labels out there you love?
Too Far Gone, Hollow Records, Skeletal Lightning, Ozona Records, Already Dead Tapes and Records, Broken World Media, Known Pleasure Records, Community Records, Out of Breath Records, lots of others.
Too Far Gone, Hollow Records, Skeletal Lightning, Ozona Records, Already Dead Tapes and Records, Broken World Media, Known Pleasure Records, Community Records, Out of Breath Records, lots of others.
What's the most popular release you've done so far?
Either Nouns' Still or Flatsound’s I clung to you hoping we’d both drown. Both are selling really well right now and are warranting additional pressings.
Either Nouns' Still or Flatsound’s I clung to you hoping we’d both drown. Both are selling really well right now and are warranting additional pressings.
What are your feelings regarding the DIY scene right now, specifically the emo and post-hardcore subcultures? Why do you think slur culture is so ingrained within the scene right now? Do you think bands and labels are doing a better job at calling out homophobic, sexist, racist, and transphobic behavior?
I think it’s moving forward. Important not to lose hope in it even if there are a lot of people in the scene that I, uh, would prefer not be. I don’t think slurs are really ingrained into the scene, most people are quick to call out at least the use of slurs, but that’s where a lot of it stops. I think, generally, the people are doing better at calling out negative behavior, but there’s still some resistance from those claiming that others are being “too PC” or “easily offended.”
I think it’s moving forward. Important not to lose hope in it even if there are a lot of people in the scene that I, uh, would prefer not be. I don’t think slurs are really ingrained into the scene, most people are quick to call out at least the use of slurs, but that’s where a lot of it stops. I think, generally, the people are doing better at calling out negative behavior, but there’s still some resistance from those claiming that others are being “too PC” or “easily offended.”
What's the future of Funeral Sounds looking like?
More vinyl and more tapes and probably CDs and maybe even a credit card which would lead to even more crippling debt.
More vinyl and more tapes and probably CDs and maybe even a credit card which would lead to even more crippling debt.
Nouns' Hunter Clifton Mann and Mark Garza. Photo by R.G Magellan
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Mark Garza is something of a celebrity amongst an ocean of DIY bands and basement dwellers; The now 16-year-old has been putting out a vast number of underground releases on tape through her own label, Funeral Sounds, for about 3 years now. She recently began to include vinyl for her most popular releases. Based out of Garza's Houston, TX home, Funeral Sounds has gained a loyal following due to Garza's amazing work ethic and commitment to underground music as well as the staff's zero tolerance policy for homophobic, transphobic, sexists, racist, and overall assholish behavior. I talked with Mark about her coming out, the future of Funeral Sounds, and the contemporary state of the scene.
When and how did Funeral Sounds get started? What was your first release?
We started in September of 2012. The 17th, I think. I had a partner back then named Chase, he left in late 2014. It’s been me alone since then. Our first release, technically, was a band called Alaurabyrd, an album called Brief History of the Dead. It was their last release. Really breathy, emotional hardcore punk kind of stuff. Largely unappreciated, if I do say so myself.
We started in September of 2012. The 17th, I think. I had a partner back then named Chase, he left in late 2014. It’s been me alone since then. Our first release, technically, was a band called Alaurabyrd, an album called Brief History of the Dead. It was their last release. Really breathy, emotional hardcore punk kind of stuff. Largely unappreciated, if I do say so myself.
How many releases have you done so far?
About 25ish? On my own, I’ve done about 13 or so.
About 25ish? On my own, I’ve done about 13 or so.
Funeral Sounds prides themselves in the fact that is a non-discrimatory tape label; you have taken an excellently strong stance against racism, homophobia, transphobia, transmisogyny, sexism, and rape culture. As a transgirl, why do you think most labels – independent or not – are very wishy washy about doing this as well?
I think it’s a fear of alienating some people that don’t “get it,” per say. Which, you know, isn’t a bad thing really; the people you’re alienating are people whom you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with, and I personally wouldn’t want to conduct business with anyone whom I wouldn’t want to be friends with so alienating people that don’t align with my moral code isn’t a huge problem. But many labels do business differently than we do and are much more concerned with the bottom line, profit margins, etc., so alienating racists, homophobes, transphobes, sexists, etc. means a higher risk factor involved, less chance of turning a profit, losing what, sadly, happens to be a large part of any businesses’ audience. At least in my experience.
I think it’s a fear of alienating some people that don’t “get it,” per say. Which, you know, isn’t a bad thing really; the people you’re alienating are people whom you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with, and I personally wouldn’t want to conduct business with anyone whom I wouldn’t want to be friends with so alienating people that don’t align with my moral code isn’t a huge problem. But many labels do business differently than we do and are much more concerned with the bottom line, profit margins, etc., so alienating racists, homophobes, transphobes, sexists, etc. means a higher risk factor involved, less chance of turning a profit, losing what, sadly, happens to be a large part of any businesses’ audience. At least in my experience.
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MARK GARZA: HOW A 16 YEAR OLD STARTED HER OWN RECORD LABEL AND WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
Photo by Mark Garza (Self-portrait)
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"Facing sexism and racism and classism and transphobia, there are ways to choose to act in those situations, and there shouldn't be a prescriptive list of things that you have to say."
-Kathleen Hanna
Photo by Benjamin Davis
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All Night Alright
It takes two to make up for a foul penis
When it rains onto it
Like a curse that never follows
The advent of a sexual history
Marked by the frustration that lives through
A complex system of veins and brains
And to be programmed different
When any pronoun I visited
Has nothing to offer
Except for shallow rewards
"Check out the ass on that bitch"
"Check out the dick on that jock"
"Check out these tits"
"What are you looking at, faggot?"
And it's so easy being myself
Around anyone else but
A family member or a member of the joint
Or whoever is telling you it isn't right
To be free among free spouses
And husbands
And boyfriends
And daughters
And doctors
My doctor
Don't come home tonight
Don't come home tonight
Please, don't come home tonight
-R.G Magellan
When it rains onto it
Like a curse that never follows
The advent of a sexual history
Marked by the frustration that lives through
A complex system of veins and brains
And to be programmed different
When any pronoun I visited
Has nothing to offer
Except for shallow rewards
"Check out the ass on that bitch"
"Check out the dick on that jock"
"Check out these tits"
"What are you looking at, faggot?"
And it's so easy being myself
Around anyone else but
A family member or a member of the joint
Or whoever is telling you it isn't right
To be free among free spouses
And husbands
And boyfriends
And daughters
And doctors
My doctor
Don't come home tonight
Don't come home tonight
Please, don't come home tonight
-R.G Magellan
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I let myself go in the middle
I put some stuff on top of my head
When the a/c was filled with lint
And the fan was ripping off
Whatever posters I had left
Because the room became just a tiny bit smaller
Once they boycotted an understanding
A desire to be content
Within the limits of oneself
I let myself go in the middle
Three weeks without a home
Making phone calls to anyone but us
Atop of a needing pin destroying our patience
Seldom a death sentence
But a burden nonetheless
I let myself go in the middle
Among happiness and truth
And misery and exhaustion
Breaking promises made
Out of calories
And drinks
And almonds
And dinners with our friends
Objecting to our bodies
In a thousand different languages
Yelling in beautiful agony
"Look at the mirror now -
give it another try"
To vicarious pragmatism
The elemental sweating of ideas
And whatever is left in the pantry
For anyone to indulge
In the comfort of many different reasons
For rejecting any ambition
Puked and spat over the beauty
Of the sheets you slept in
To never falling asleep after a long day
And the things you want to do
You'll never do them
You might do them
You'll never do them
To feeling amazing over the prejudice
Against our useless bodies
Going steady until it crashes
Crying and begging for the last time
You thought everything was alright.
I let myself go in the middle
Wishing I wasn't dead
I let myself go in the middle
And it's making me upset.
The elemental sweating of ideas
And whatever is left in the pantry
For anyone to indulge
In the comfort of many different reasons
For rejecting any ambition
Puked and spat over the beauty
Of the sheets you slept in
To never falling asleep after a long day
And the things you want to do
You'll never do them
You might do them
You'll never do them
To feeling amazing over the prejudice
Against our useless bodies
Going steady until it crashes
Crying and begging for the last time
You thought everything was alright.
I let myself go in the middle
Wishing I wasn't dead
I let myself go in the middle
And it's making me upset.
-R.G Magellan
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he slept in my bed after i filled his body with insects & panic & grandfather sewn seeds i was useless inside him; trade organs for oceans is there a vaccine for this? to clean out all the unborn kids (a whole graveyard here in this bed) he broke me good where the landlord left scars emptied all the bedrooms to reclaim the stretchmarks we were to our throats in grass! we tore down the treehouses! and our brothers were kindling for the lovesongs that we couldn't sing because we drowned all our songs in the bathtub (you could hear them way up in the rafters) and the preachers sleeping in the attic stole them all for scriptures we sing nothing, now; our mothers ask us how we pray with the lights out for songs to fill our mouths.
Organs For Oceans
By Jordaan Mason
By Jordaan Mason
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i.
you snuck in my window and seared an x over my heart with fingertips like the shadows on my wall.
you slip through my skin like a secret
and i lock you in my chest because i do not want you to go. but like a ghost, you drift away from me,
leaving a hole like the hesitance between breaths
and an unbearable silence in your absence.
you snuck in my window and seared an x over my heart with fingertips like the shadows on my wall.
you slip through my skin like a secret
and i lock you in my chest because i do not want you to go. but like a ghost, you drift away from me,
leaving a hole like the hesitance between breaths
and an unbearable silence in your absence.
ii.
you return in the night when my blood
is sluggish in my veins, you sidle up
and tap me on the shoulder
as if you’ve been standing next to me
since the beginning of time,
and i can’t fathom how i could have forgotten,
or how i could have missed you so much.
you return in the night when my blood
is sluggish in my veins, you sidle up
and tap me on the shoulder
as if you’ve been standing next to me
since the beginning of time,
and i can’t fathom how i could have forgotten,
or how i could have missed you so much.
iii.
there are days when you are no more
than a whisper clinging to the back of my neck,
or a drumbeat only i can hear, and there are days
when your words echo through my bones
and they shatter
like glass, there are days
when you rage through my blood like a fever
and make me want to punch myself in the face,
and there are days
when i can’t breathe.
there are days when you are no more
than a whisper clinging to the back of my neck,
or a drumbeat only i can hear, and there are days
when your words echo through my bones
and they shatter
like glass, there are days
when you rage through my blood like a fever
and make me want to punch myself in the face,
and there are days
when i can’t breathe.
iv.
and in the darkness your voice was a choir painted gold that shone through my dreams, shone in a halo
around your smoke-stained face,
and i believed in you like a myth.
i believed in you as the lights flickered
and the sky broke under the weight of the world,
and i believed in you when the blackness came, i —
and in the darkness your voice was a choir painted gold that shone through my dreams, shone in a halo
around your smoke-stained face,
and i believed in you like a myth.
i believed in you as the lights flickered
and the sky broke under the weight of the world,
and i believed in you when the blackness came, i —
v.
i believe in you
like
angels
so wrap me in your wings
and
bring me
home.
i believe in you
like
angels
so wrap me in your wings
and
bring me
home.
- Anna Serafini
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“One may be nice on the outside but on the inside isn't pretty”
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- Rebecca Walker
Photo by Claudia Morales
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To The Reader
This is it. This is happening. I've been trying to make Scruds happen for some time now and it's insane I get to do it so freely. I have been insanely alienated from the world for the past couple of months it's weird to think I can finally speak my mind. And a lot has happened in between: coming out, coming to terms with my mental illness, discovering new reads and listen, protested, fell in love, bought some records, etc.
The mere idea of making this project possible and watch it take off as it goes is truly mesmerizing. I envisioned Scruds as a call for equality embellished in the efforts of some of my best friends. Inside these pages you will find that we have a zero tolerance for racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic behaviour. Everyone involved in the making of this very first issue has gone through a lot and are deserving of the respect that comes with being great musicians, poets, writers, painters, and artists. But it's more than okay; It is beautiful to realize our common goals are consolidated into a desire for change.
On this feature, you will find male, female, transgender, genderfluid/queer artists of divergent backgrounds whom I have formed incredibly beautiful bonds with. I know all of these kids personally and hold them to a great sense of esteem. They aren't preachers or politicians or advertisements or poster children; they merely want to express their joys and fears through a biasless lens. They cheerfully use their art for the cause: to speak against any sort of discrimination and to reaffirm the belief that everyone is born equal and has the right to become whoever they want. The belief that condoning rape is a crime against humanity. The belief we shouldn't be prejudicing against anyone regardless of their sex, colour, orientation and creed. The belief that gender is a social construct that has favoured some and screwed over others. The belief that we can change that. We are one.
So, before you mingle among the pages of this publication, I would love to thank the following people for their help and support:
Thank you so much guys! I love you!
-R.G Magellan
The mere idea of making this project possible and watch it take off as it goes is truly mesmerizing. I envisioned Scruds as a call for equality embellished in the efforts of some of my best friends. Inside these pages you will find that we have a zero tolerance for racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic behaviour. Everyone involved in the making of this very first issue has gone through a lot and are deserving of the respect that comes with being great musicians, poets, writers, painters, and artists. But it's more than okay; It is beautiful to realize our common goals are consolidated into a desire for change.
On this feature, you will find male, female, transgender, genderfluid/queer artists of divergent backgrounds whom I have formed incredibly beautiful bonds with. I know all of these kids personally and hold them to a great sense of esteem. They aren't preachers or politicians or advertisements or poster children; they merely want to express their joys and fears through a biasless lens. They cheerfully use their art for the cause: to speak against any sort of discrimination and to reaffirm the belief that everyone is born equal and has the right to become whoever they want. The belief that condoning rape is a crime against humanity. The belief we shouldn't be prejudicing against anyone regardless of their sex, colour, orientation and creed. The belief that gender is a social construct that has favoured some and screwed over others. The belief that we can change that. We are one.
So, before you mingle among the pages of this publication, I would love to thank the following people for their help and support:
Dianna Sanchez Benjamin Davis Maeve Holler
Jordaan Mason Anna Serafini Dakota Fahney
Claudia Morales Gomez Mark Garza Gabrielle Steib
Jordaan Mason Anna Serafini Dakota Fahney
Claudia Morales Gomez Mark Garza Gabrielle Steib
Thank you so much guys! I love you!
-R.G Magellan
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Cover by R.G Magellan
Poems/Prose
As In Love With You As I Am /// Anna Serafini
Organs For Oceans /// Jordaan Mason
Is M Banging Someone /// Maeve Holler
All Night Alright /// R.G Magellan
I Let Myself Go In The Middle /// R.G Magellan
Short Stories and Misc
$4.32 Fried Catfish Po-boy /// R.G Magellan
Album Reviews (by R.G Magellan)
Jordaan Mason and The Horse Museum /// The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization
Funeralbloom /// Petals
Pile /// You're Better Than This
Interviews (by R.G Magellan)
Mark Garza: how a sixteen-year-old created her own label and why you should care
Unraveler: messy vans and high ambitions
Links
Artwork, Photos, and Illustrations by Claudia Morales, R.G Magellan, Benjamin Davis,
and Dianna Sanchez
As In Love With You As I Am /// Anna Serafini
Organs For Oceans /// Jordaan Mason
Is M Banging Someone /// Maeve Holler
All Night Alright /// R.G Magellan
I Let Myself Go In The Middle /// R.G Magellan
Short Stories and Misc
$4.32 Fried Catfish Po-boy /// R.G Magellan
Album Reviews (by R.G Magellan)
Jordaan Mason and The Horse Museum /// The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization
Funeralbloom /// Petals
Pile /// You're Better Than This
Interviews (by R.G Magellan)
Mark Garza: how a sixteen-year-old created her own label and why you should care
Unraveler: messy vans and high ambitions
Links
Artwork, Photos, and Illustrations by Claudia Morales, R.G Magellan, Benjamin Davis,
and Dianna Sanchez
Post title...
Posted
|
Views: 760
Cover by R.G Magellan
Poems/Prose
As In Love With You As I Am /// Anna Serafini
Organs For Oceans /// Jordaan Mason
Is M Banging Someone /// Maeve Holler
All Night Alright /// R.G Magellan
I Let Myself Go In The Middle /// R.G Magellan
Short Stories
$4.32 Fried Catfish Po-boy /// R.G Magellan
I No Longer Hate My Cock I'm Just Mad At It /// R.G Magellan
Album Reviews
Jordaan Mason and The Horse Museum /// The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization
Funeralbloom /// Petals
Unraveler /// Eyes Open, Fingers Crossed
Interviews
Mark Garza: how a sixteen-year-old created her own label and why you should care
Unraveler: messy vans and high ambitions
Special Thanks/Links
Artwork by Dianna Sanchez and Jake Silvas
As In Love With You As I Am /// Anna Serafini
Organs For Oceans /// Jordaan Mason
Is M Banging Someone /// Maeve Holler
All Night Alright /// R.G Magellan
I Let Myself Go In The Middle /// R.G Magellan
Short Stories
$4.32 Fried Catfish Po-boy /// R.G Magellan
I No Longer Hate My Cock I'm Just Mad At It /// R.G Magellan
Album Reviews
Jordaan Mason and The Horse Museum /// The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization
Funeralbloom /// Petals
Unraveler /// Eyes Open, Fingers Crossed
Interviews
Mark Garza: how a sixteen-year-old created her own label and why you should care
Unraveler: messy vans and high ambitions
Special Thanks/Links
Artwork by Dianna Sanchez and Jake Silvas