Secret Love Police

Zoot Suit Riots, Saturday morning cartoons, Indian movie posters, books and Brooklyn.
@openzine
Next post Never Settle for Ordinary Next post Hirst: Explains the Spot Paintings

Battle of the Sexes

Posted | Views: 10,966

IS THIS TRUE?

      

 

 

 

 

 

   

I'M A WOMAN!

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts & Spam. I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections. I will not drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don’t get wasted at parties & act like a clown & I know how to put the damn toilet seat down! I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt, my belt buckle is not hidden beneath my beer gut. I don’t go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch. I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind.

I'm a woman you see, I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing. I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back. When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack. What's on my head doesn’t leave with my comb. I’II never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. I'm a woman, you know. I’m got far too much pride! I honestly think it’s a privilege for me to have these two boobs & squat when I pee. I don’t live to play golf & shoot basketball. I don’t swagger & spit like a Neanderthal. I wont tell you my wife just does not understand. Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh & weep then screw you, roll over & fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman you see you can forget all about that old penis envy. I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks, join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance & I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a woman & not a man like you!

I'M A MAN!
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers & when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I wont spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair & I don't go around checking my refection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public & make us leave early & when you ask why get all bitter & surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have to sit around for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho & threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, & logical too. I know what the time is & I know what to do. I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls & stand when I pee. I live to watch sports & play all sorts of games. It's more fun than women after all. I wont cry if you figure out it's not going to work. I wont remain bitter & call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. I wont assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.

I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance & I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a man & not a woman like you!

SMELL MY FINGER

SWEET AND NICE

AREN'T STEREOTYPES THE BEST? EVEN MORE SO WHEN IT'S ABOUT THE SEXES. HERE WE GO WITH THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES. LETS GO!!