kimmymoe

In The Matter of The Unemployed Man

It is very evident the economy we live in wreaks hovac in our relationships, or family lives. More and more of our men are becoming unemployed. And alot of them had invested time in their jobs only to wake up and loose it all (or so it seems) which leaves the woman of the household the provider of the family. As a woman it is so easy for "making a way" to kick in. It is natural for us as we are nurturers. We just do what we know, what we were taught to do. However, what we were not taught was to support the man when a problem like this hits us.

We view our men as strong, and able to handle business and when that is out of alignment so is the relationship/family and I won't leave out emotions. I hear alot of women complain that their husbands need to look for other ways to get a job, or that they are tired of going home to him sitting on the couch, or that since he is home dinner should be cooked and the house should be spotless. I could go on and on about the emotional rollercoaster in which some of us are taken. It's funny because out of all that, I never hear them support him and lift him up in prayer. The negative of the situation always gets the attention. It seems as tearing him down is the easiest route to go.

There are alot of single women who when you ask if they would consider dating a man who was unemployed would say "NO, he has to have a job before I enter a relationship with him." Imagine what kind of stain that is to the man who is trying really hard to find a job. It is important for us to remember that even though he is a man, does not take away from the point that he has feelings to. Not being able to provide for his family is heart breaking in itself. Seeing his wife/girlfriend picking up his slack is another blow and the final blow to him is that he has no support from her. For him a sense of responsibility was lost when he lost his job.

I always say that with every cause there is an effect. With him being unemployed there comes many effects behind it,

Communication~ Communicaton may be lost between he and his mate.

Family~ He may feel as if he let his family down.

Sex life~ It dwindles because of him feeling like a failure

Depression~ From being rejected by one job prospect to another

Apperance~ He no longer recognized himself in the mirror because the hurt and pain is now showing on the outside

It is important for us(women) to encourage him. He is the head of the household and no amount of money can change that. However what can change is our ability to stay grounded and build him back up. In order to make him go he needs the support from family and friends. It is very important to allow him to remain the head of the household and we can do that by not stripping him of his duties at home. The economy has already done that, he does not need it at home. Continue to talk to him, ask him how his day went (Yes, even if you already know.) Tell him how your day went. Communication is key. And most importantly show him affection a lot of it. He will appreciate it, and feed off of it.

This economy is not partial to anyone. There are alot of unemployed women as well and being unemployed does not take away from the person we are. The only ingredients needed to make it through is FAITH AND LOVE....

Until next time,

Coach Kim

Integrative Health Coach