Magazine Posts
Table of ContentsStep #5: Compatibility Filter
Are you compatible?? This is so important! Do his/her temperament, attitude, and values coincide with yours? Can your needs and habit systems match his harmoniously? Can your role in the relationship perfectly compliment his? Since partners’ roles must be complementary and reciprocal in any companionate relationship, this filter is vital.
Step #6: Trial Filter
How you choose to employ this filter is up to you; cohabitation or engagement are most common. Though cohabitation does not statistically improve your chances of marital success, giving the relationship one, last “trial run” before marriage comes highly prescribed by Murstein.
Step #7: Marriage
If your prospective life partner has successfully passed through all of these filters, there is only one step left: marriage! Enjoy the rest of your life with your partner! You’ve gone through all of these filters looking for “the one,” and now you have found him or her.
Step #1:Field of Eligible Partners
This one is common sense. Who is eligible? This depends on your sexual preferences, and on prospective partners’ marital (and dating) status. So, look for men (or women) who are single!
Step #2: Propinquity Filter
All you need to do here is consider physical proximity. For example, people who live in the same city, state/province, etc. as you. With the magical world wide web this filter becomes much more forgiving. Your prospective partners can live almost anywhere, and still be accessible to you. However, traditionally, someone who lives/works/spends a lot of time near where you do should easily pass through this filter.
Step #3: Attraction Filter
First, take a few minutes to consider what you find attractive. Consider both physical attraction, and personality traits that attract you. Are you attracted to tall, dark, and handsome? Blonde and muscular? Blue eyes and a nice smile? Are you attracted to smart, funny, relaxed, ambitious, prestigious, or honest? Note which characteristics are most important to you, and allow prospective partners with these characteristics to pass through to the next round.
Step #4: Homogamy Filter
We all want someone similar to us! Our partner should be similar to us in at least a few key areas, the most important of which social scientists have determined to be: age, race, education, socio-economic class, religion. Some of these may be less applicable due to personal choice, social paradigm shifts, and societal reformation (for example, interracial marriage is more common than ever), so consider the areas of similarity most important to you.
Find Your True Love
Follow our treasure map- Prince Charming is closer
than you think.
Alright ladies, no more speed dating, online profiles, and loud, dirty clubs. We've got you covered.
You’re looking for Prince Charming in all the wrong places. But don’t despair.
We’ve taken a page from Psychologist
Bernard Murstein’s book. His “Filter
Theory” suggests that people sift prospective partners through a series of 7 filters before choosing to marry one of them.
By becoming aware of this process, and CONSCIOUSLY following its course, you can
guarantee that the
partner you choose will
be perfect for you!
Here
are seven steps, named in
accordance with Murstein’s
filters, to follow in order to
find your true love.
Right:
A diagram of Murstein's
Filter Theory is pictured
Contents
Find Your True Love- Page 3
Couples Counselling (WITH PROMO CODE!): Page 5
20 Questions to Increase Intimacy- Page 6
Reader Photo Contest- Page 8
Ask Dr. Alice: Relationship Advice Column- Page 9
Readers' Voice Column- Page 11
Arranged Marriage: Pros and Cons- Page 13
Who's Got the Power? It's All About Influence- Page 15
Spotlight: "Mine Vs. Yours" Conflicts- Page 17
Spotlight Solution: Communication is Key- Page 18
Doctor's Orders: Vulnerability is NOT SO BAD- Page 19
The Dating "Script": Where Do You Fit In?- Page 24
54 Date Ideas For Lovers on a Budget- Page 27
Saving Time: Juggling Careers, Kids, and Love- Page 33
Changing Roles: How to Support Each Other- 36
Movie Night: 5 Movies to Watch as a Couple- Page 38
Editor's
Letter
Summer of Love!
Have you ever wished your love life could get just a little bit better?
Whether you're in a relationship, or looking to be in one, there's always room for improvement.
This month, we're putting the science, the tips, and the information in your hands. We have everything you need to rock your love life this summer.
This month's focus is intimacy. Check out "Find Your True Love on page 3 if you're looking for the man of your dreams. We've provided you with the treasure map.
Once you find Prince Charming, or if you already have him, check out this month's focus articles on intimacy. You wouldn't believe how important it is.
For an introduction to intimacy, and why it's so important, plus a super simple way to increase it, turn to page 6 and read "20 Questions to Increase Intimacy."
Also flip to page 27 for "54 Date Ideas For Lovers on a Budget."
Last one: remember to hit page 5 for a free couples counselling session.
As always, write me with questions, comments, opinions, and concerns at:
Lilliana MacDonnell
Editor in Chief
SCI-LUV Magazine
PO Box 2005 STN A
Toronto, ON
B8F 2V5
Yours in life and love,
Lilly
Can't get through to each other?
Couple's Counselling can help you repair your connection.
Contact Dr. MacEachern for more information and a
FREE trial session for you and your partner!
You and your partner will learn real, scientifically proven ways to mend your relationship, resolve conflict, and communicate more effectively. Adjusting to the new roles that come with marriage, and different stages of marriage, can be difficult. The most common sources of conflict in any couple relationship are finances, having children, sorting out the division of labour, and adjusting to other stages and milestones of the relationship. You and your partner are not alone!
Communication is proven to be the best method of conflict resolution.
We can help you with exercises such as eye gazing, hand holding, and mirroring can build intimacy, improve your relationship, and make communication easier and more constructive.
All companionate relationships require this effort and constructive communication. We can help you infuse this into your relationship. Don't wait any longer!
Call: (519) 555-1234
or visit
www.MacCounselling.org
PROMO CODE: SCILUV1
Before you and your partner take turns
asking each other these questions, prepare
a set of guidelines. For example, you should
both know whether either of you want these
answers to remain strictly confidential.
Remember, you do not have to answer any
questions you are not comfortable with.
This is very important! Try to open up to
your partner, but know that you do not
HAVE TO answer something you are not
comfortable with sharing. Afford your
partner with the same respect.
Now, here are the top 20 questions psychologists say develop intimacy and trust:
1. What is your greatest fear?
2. What makes you the happiest? Saddest? Angriest?
3. What would a “perfect day” look like for you?
4. Growing up, what were your parents like?
5. When you were a teenager, what did you want most when you were older?
6. At this point in your life, are you where your childhood self would have guessed?
7. Would you stay with me if you found out that I could not have children? If I had a criminal record? If I had a lot of debt? If I had a terminal disease?
8. Have you ever questioned the existence of love?
9. Is there anywhere you want to travel to before you die?
10. Have you ever questioned the existence of love?
11. What is your biggest regret?
12. Is there anything you have never forgiven yourself for? What is it?
13. What about me would you change? What about yourself would you change?
14. Do you ever have nightmares? What are they about?
15. When you talk about me to other people, what do you say?
16. What would you want me to say when I talk to other people about you?
17. When was the last time you cried? Why?
18. What are three items on your “bucket list”?
19. Is there anything I don’t know about you that you want me to know?
20. Is there anything you don’t know about me that you want to know?
For more questions, visit Henry Ford's website at:
www.henryfordrelationshippsychology.edu
Next month: Sternberg's Triangle of Love,
Part 3- Commitment!
20 Questions
to Increase Intimacy
According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are three aspects involved in romantic love. A healthy relationship cannot exist without all three. These aspects are commitment, intimacy, and passion.
Intimacy is the deep friendship that arises as partners reveal their true selves and begin to meet each other’s psychological needs. A relationship that exists without intimacy is said to be founded on fatuous love (or “fantasy love”), because it is committed, and passionate, but there is no emotional connection or bond present to stabilize the relationship.
Last month, we focussed on passion, the first of the three to develop. This month, we're focusing on intimacy, so here's an easy, at-home way to increase the level of intimacy in your relationship, no matter how busy your schedule is.
This simple exercise, developed by psychologist Henry Ford, is designed to create vulnerability between you and your partner. Asking deeply personal questions, and knowing that your partner will not judge you (and vice versa) promotes vulnerability by revealing inner parts of yourself that you may never have revealed, forcing you to trust one another. Increasing trust is vital in strengthening and deepening your trust.
Get ready to get intimate!!
You may wish to set aside a time to do
this exercise, whether this is during a special
meal, before bed, or on an evening you both
have time to sit and talk. Or, you may decide
to ask each other these questions "on the
go," in the car, while getting ready in the
morning, or in between errands on a busy
day.
The beauty of this exercise is in its
versatility; however you choose do it, it
will work just as well.
Intimacy can be developed on any
schedule!
Stop KIssing frogs and find
price charming
Everything you need to start (and finish) the search
Add some text, Yo! Click this text box to change the text, style, color and fonts.
STRENGTHEN YOUR BOND! SIMPLE, AT-HOME EXERCISES TO
HELP YOU GROW CLOSER THAN EVER!
Issue #6
Summer 2015
This month's coupon:
25% off your NEXT couples massage!
Featured Expert: Sarah MacEachern, award-
winning author of,
Individuals & Families
in Canada ISU
54 Date ideas for
lovers on a budget
Arranged Marriage: Pros and Cons
How to juggle your kids,
your career, and your
relationship, all at once!
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