My Body My Mind

My Body My Mind: What is your current opinion on your body image? Are you happy with how you look?
DJ Alex Loveridge: Right now I am very happy with myself and how my body looks, and if I were given the chance I wouldn’t change a thing about my physical self.

MBMM: Have you always felt this way? What did you like/dislike about your body and why?
DJAL: For the past year or so, I’ve been very happy with myself and the way my body looks, but I wasn’t always that way. Like most people, high school was when I really started to wish I looked a different way, especially when it came to my acne and my teeth before braces…and especially my teeth with braces. One thing about my appearance that I really wished would change was my curly hair, (even though I love it now) and all I wanted was for it to be straight. Eventually, I gained more self-confidence thanks to friends, loved ones, and the internet, and I learned to love the way I look. After living with curly hair and being a skinny dude for this long, I wouldn’t want to change any of it.

MBMM: What helped you become comfortable with your body image and how you look today?
DJAL: This is going to sound like kind of a blunt and shallow answer, but it actually really helped me out when I was at the age where I was most self-conscious of my appearance. When I was 16, my first real high school girlfriend said something to me that I still think about from time to time…she said “hey…you know you’re hot, right?” My answer was “no, not really.” Then she said “oh, well you should…because you are.” Even though it was just one compliment from one person, that person was two years older than me, and that was pretty great for 16-year old me. That compliment didn’t instantly make me love myself and the way I looked, but it was definitely a step in the right direction.

MBMM: Has your body image had an effect on your DJing?
DJAL: My body image has definitely had an impact, in ways both positive and negative, on my entire DJing career, from the very first party I played when I was 16, right up to DJing a good friend’s birthday a little over a month ago. I started DJing in 2009, and I was asked to play at a friend’s 17^th birthday party a few months later. I didn’t know much, but I knew enough to be able to keep music playing constantly. I had a lot to worry about, and because I was still self-conscious about my looks, it definitely showed. I only knew a few people at the party, so I barely talked to anyone, didn’t socialize before playing, and when I was playing, I never danced and I’m pretty sure I didn’t look relaxed at all. As I learned more, I became more comfortable, and after I met HappE, the DJ who taught me how to play, I really became more comfortable. He told me that no matter who I am or what I look like, as long as I walk up to the turntables and act like I own the place, people are going to listen…and if I have the skills to back it up, people are going to dance. Now, I remember that every time I’m about to start DJing, and since I’m finally comfortable with myself and my appearance, I’m genuinely relaxed and having a good time.

MBMM: How do you feel about yourself while you are DJing and creating music?
DJAL: Producing is a much more private process than DJing, where I can think and talk to myself and not worry about anyone or what they think. Although no one is around, the fact that I’m creating something and being able to express myself in such a way does give my self-confidence a boost. However, when I’m DJing at a show or house party, it’s a very different experience. Since I’m in front of a crowd and I’m the one that’s giving them a show…it may as well be a DJ requirement to be confident. If I got behind the decks at any venue, even a house party, and I didn’t look like I seriously believed that I was a great DJ, why would anyone else? I find that the more I look like it’s no big deal and I’m having a good time, the more people end up dancing. Also, the more I see people dancing and having fun, the more confidence I have.

MBMM: How does your personality transcend into your music?
DJAL: My personality is a huge influence on my music as both a producer and a DJ, but in different ways for each. Like I said in the question before this one, producing is a very private process, so most of my songs are done either by myself or with a very close friend that started producing with me back in 2007. Since I’m either alone or collaborating with Josh, I’m free to just make music for the sake of making music, and since there’s nobody to impress, I can make the song go along with how I’m feeling at the time, which is one of my favorite ways to relieve stress. I produce songs in lots of different genres of music, and usually my mood decides how the music will sound whenever I sit down with a new track. When I’m able to do that, the sounds that I make as stress relief end up being different than if I were writing a song specifically to put it in my next DJ set.
When I’m putting together a list of songs for a night of DJing, the feeling of those songs is very different. Instead of focusing on the mood that I’m in while I’m compiling the songs, I have to think to myself “what would Friday night Alex want to see in this playlist? Which songs would I choose to not only draw a crowd to the dance floor, but also keep them there?” Sometimes it is difficult to get into that mindset, but usually it isn’t much of a problem. Lately I’ve found that I get a much more expressive set if I just have one huge playlist to pick and choose from as the night goes on. That way, if people stop dancing I can immediately find a song that will bring them back, which wouldn’t be so easy to do with a pre-planned, extra precise set.

17 year old Alex DJ-ing at a house party

19 years of age, DJ-ing at a friend's 21st

               The first SlutWalk came into being as a reaction to the Toronto Police Froce's view on sexual assault. An officer had been speaking at a local law school's campus safety information session and advised: "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”. Toronto locals demanded an apology and explanation but received neither. They were tired of victim-blaming, slut-shaming, and sexual profiling and policing and without a word of remorse from the police force, they organized an event where their voices could be heard. 

                On their website they give, in detail, why they decided to react in such a way: "Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated." (http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/about/why)

               Upon taking my first Women's and Gender Studies class at Rutgers University I was assigned the task of creating a social action project. I've always been one to have lofty goals and try to achieve more than may be feasible given constraints such as time, but that's never stopped me from trying. Since my task was to implement a SOCIAL ACTION project, I'd be damned if I didn't do something as active and in your face as possible so in the fall semester of my Junior year I attempted to host a SlutWalk at Rutgers. I can admit that I was very naive in my aspirations but I had a very eager and helpful group of girls assisting me on my project.

               Turnout the day of the walk was much less than expected but if our efforts could have made a difference in one person's life it was all worth it. Despite this, a friend of mine that attended the walk provided me with a megaphone, which I was totally unprepared to use but definitely helped us gather some attention even as a small group. During this time in my life I was still adjusting to being more vocal and while I had big opinions, I wasn't always comfortable with voicing them in the most noticeable way (you'll notice there is a slight awkwardness in the way I speak in the video).To this day I still feel awkward watching myself on film and listening to myself try to voice my opinions to the public. While I may never grow out of that I am so proud of where I have ended up and I believe that this was a big stepping stone in my life that got me to where I am today.

               I can honestly say I am proud of our efforts that day. Initially I was extremely disappointed with the turnout and almost wanted to give up, but walking from Cook/Douglass to the steps of Brower on College Avenue, megaphone blaring, felt really empowering. I stood up for something I believe in and took up a leadership role to try to make an idea of mine a reality. My time spent working on this project helped me become more comfortable with myself. Being able to voice my opinion on such a level made me feel like I had more control and this mentality has carried over into other aspects of my life. No one can stop me from saying what I want, from feeling the way that I feel, or from loving my body and my mind. People's misconceptions shouldn't matter. It's okay to speak out and it's okay to look different from what mainstream society may expect, it is more important to foster acceptance and understanding.            

               With that in mind, take a look at the video I've posted. It was filmed by a friend that was in a different Women's and Gender studies class at the time who turned my project into one of her own. She created a video that gives you some clips from that day as well as a brief explanation of the walk and even some Q&A between the two of us. While it is edited, it is still a pretty raw documentation of the experience.

   When looking at the definition of "Feminist" and "Feminism", it's hard not to wonder as to why there is such a fear in young people to admit that they are in fact feminists. Men and women of all ages refer to themselves as such, but while I could go into the historical background for this it is not why I have created this zine.

For me, coming to terms with the true meaning of feminism helped me become more comfortable with myself in terms of the direction of my life as well as how I view my own body (the latter changed as a result of the comfort I had within myself and the new direction I was taking in life).

               My experiences with feminism did not begin until I entered college, but I didn't even begin to think of myself as a feminist until the end of my sophomore and beginning of my junior year. While I have always had feminist beliefs, throughout my life the word "feminist" always had a negative connotation. Through the classes that I have taken, the projects that I've worked on, and the people that I have met, I was able to come to terms with my own experiences and see them from a new light. I have transformed from a quiet and shy girl that wanted nothing more than to disappear in the background into a young woman, while sometimes still a little reserved, who can and desires to communicate my thoughts and opinions in all aspects of my life. This transformation included and resulted in me being more comfortable with my body.

               As a girl growing up I was never really seen as all that feminine, I was SUUUUUPER skinny without a single curve on my body aside from the shape that my bone structure revealed. While I did have a few boyfriends growing up, I never felt pretty enough. I was flat and definitely didn't have the cutest face and to top it off I've always had such crazy curls -- believe it or not I spent an entire year of high school straightening my hair every morning before school. I used to compare myself to other girls and looked to magazines and television for guidance way more than I'd like to admit. Over the years I did become more comfortable with my body, but I definitely had my ups and downs sometimes seemingly for no reason. My experiences have at times made me question myself, appearance and all, but I definitely am more comfortable with my life now despite any breakdowns that I may have. I know that some people may have certain expectations about what my body should look like but I'm not going to change a single thing for anyone. Yes, I am flawed, but no one is perfect. Half of the images that you see in the media have been touched up. Why else do you think that it's such a big deal to see celebrities without their makeup on? We're used to seeing them with their flawless makeup and outfits but behind it all they're just as human as the rest of us and they have just as many imperfections (but we'll save this talk for a later post).

               Long story short, I am happy with who I am now. Yes I wear makeup sometimes and I'm interested in various fashions, but I do it all for myself and that is one huge reason I have created this zine. It's not important for any person to live up to someone else's expectations, especially when it comes to appearance. No one should ever worry if they're too fat, too thin, whether their breasts are the right size, or if they look lean or muscular enough. Society may present a certain ideal in the media, but no one is expected (nor should they try) to strive for these images. You should love and take care of yourself. As long as you do what makes you happy and what's in your best interest, than nothing else matters.

*Definitions are from the World English Dictionary

An e-zine dedicated to point out the inconsistency in how society presents the human body, both female and male alike, and to help young women and men achieve a new perspective on this and gain a new sense of self.

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